Journey to the Beloved – Index, Prologue, and Introduction

Table of Contents

Chapters
 

Prologue…………………………………………………………….. 2

Introduction…………………………………………………………..6

Chapter 1: Meeting Your Beloved………………………….14

Chapter 2:  Meditative Visualization……………………….24

Chapter 3:  Putting Into Practice……………………………30

Chapter 4: Symbolic Imagery………………………………..42

Chapter 5: Reality Creation ……………………………….. .54

Chapter 6: Receiving Guidance ……………………………68

Chapter 7:  Joy of Healing …………………………………..78

Chapter 8: Shedding Light On Inner Voices…………….90

Chapter 9: The Voices of Love and Fear……………….100

Chapter 10: Transformation ………………………………..110

Chapter 11:  Releasing Contracting Emotions ……….128

Chapter12: Healing the Inner Child and Adolescent..136

Chapter 13: Past Lives ……………………………………….154

Chapter 14:  A Never Ending Story ……………………. 170

Chapter 15:  Preliminary Steps …………………………… 184

Chapter 16:  The Journey Home …………………………. 192

Chapter 17:  Final Notes ……………………………………. 198

 

Table of Contents

Poetry

Reunion………………………………………………………………..1

A Conscious Dreamer’s Invocation…………………………. 5

Desire………………………………………………………………… 13

Song of Thanksgiving…………………………………………… 27

Letting Go…………………………………………………………. ..29

Landscape of My Soul…………………………………………. .41

Message From My Beloved…………………………………… 53

Receiving……………………………………………………………. 67

Joy…………………………………………………………………….. 77

Separation …………………………………………………………. 89

Inner Love How Do I Find Thee? ………………………….. 99

Harvest Time ……………………………………………………. 109

Initiations of Magic …………………………………………….. 127

The Christening ………………………………………………… 135

The Beautiful Woman Inside Me …………………………. 153

The Mother’s Mysteries ……………………………………… 169

The Goddess ……………………………………………………. 183

Secrets of Ascension………………………………………….. 191

Awaken …………………………………………………………… .197

 

The Mystical Journey Begins

Deep within you there is a stillness so serene and peaceful that nothing can disturb it. This stillness is like a quiet pool of water. Its surface reflects the mag­nificence of Love. Its depth reflects the magnificence of you. In the very center of this pool you will find twin hearts beating as one, a dual spark burning as a single flame. Because of its radiance, nothing can disturb the pool's peace. The winds of time may blow upon the water and make the surface rough and turbulent, but that does not disturb the flame at all. The flame may even go unnoticed for eons, but still it burns in the depth of the pool, waiting in patient solitude for the time of discovery. Here it waits, quiet and serene, knowing that its eventual discovery is inevitable. The flame worries not that it has been forgotten because it knows the confusion, which keeps it camouflaged and hidden in darkness, has an appointed end. Although, for now, it seems to lie dormant, hidden in the pool of your consciousness, it is certain that when its magnificent light finally bursts into brilliance, all darkness will eventually disappear.

This is the flame you create with your Beloved. It lies hidden, deep within you. Contained within this flame lies all truth, for the flame knows there is only one truth and that is the Truth of Love. Also, within this flame lies all knowledge, for it knows that there is only one thing that can fully be known and that is the Knowledge of Love. Similarly, within this flame lies all power, for it knows there is only one power and that is the Power of Love. It is your desire for Truth, Knowledge, and Power that will draw you to your Beloved like a magnet. That is because it is not until you desire to know your Beloved and the truth they bring that the knowledge of Love's power will be given to you. At that time, you will gladly surrender to them everything you thought you were for the truth of who you really are.

It is in this single flame of unquenchable light that your Beloved waits for you, like a quiet sigh, to awaken and claim your right to love. Your Beloved waits for your quiet voice to call them forth. Being what they are, your Beloved will never shout to wake you up because they know not of control, only patience. Countless lifetimes your Beloved has waited, quietly whispering your name. Restlessly, you have sensed their call but have not known where to look to find them. You have searched in many places but always outside yourself, never within. Lifetime after lifetime, you have looked, hoping in each one to find that love of the ages you have heard talked about in literature or poetry- the love everyone so desires.In each lifetime you found at least one person you thought could give you this love. You thought that if only you could attach their face to your fantasy of love, you could make love come true for you. All too often, however, these relationships were a disappointment to you simply because the object of your desire could not live up to your fantasy. Therefore, the relationships frequently failed or at least seemed painfully lacking in some way. Your search went on. At times your longing deepened into despair or leaped into a sudden flame of hope as you found yet another face, another body to kindle your love.

You did not know that the longing, running so deep within you, could not be contained within a face, a body, or a form at all. This longing is your spark or catalyst that continuously drives you to seek further, knowing that somewhere there is a love made in heaven, just for you. This tiny spark knows that this love is rich and deep and all-encompassing. It knows that when its twin spark is found, it will know a love that is beyond its wildest dreams in its gentleness and in its boundless capacity to give. It also knows that when its twin spark is found, its search will be over for all time.

It is your Beloved you search for, waiting quietly for you to look within where their presence can be experienced. Perhaps you do not want an "inner lover” a "fantasy" man or woman who has no substance. "What is this nonsense?" you may ask, “A lover who has no form? Who would want that?”  Believe me, my friend, you will when you discover that your Beloved, who contains within their essence the eternal Knowledge of Light that you believe you've lost, searches for you as earnestly and as longingly as you search for them. It is only your Beloved who has the capacity to unite with your spark, igniting it into a flame of endless love and oneness, forever healed and whole. When you unite with your Beloved, your longing for love will end because you will have found it. At that moment you will begin a journey that will encompass your whole being, because you will travel into a timelessness of light, into an eternity of joy, into a peace that knows no bounds, and into a love without end that lasts forever.

Each one of us has been given a guide to take us into the brilliance of light we call Love. For many, it will be their Beloved who takes them home. And where is home? Home is simply the heart of Truth which is yourself, lying in quiet union with your Beloved, as together you reach out to extend your love to the entire world.

Introduction

One night I went to bed feeling utterly depressed. My relationship of ten years was disintegrating. I had a two-year-old, a three-year-old, and a five-year-old. I lived way out in the country in the middle of nowhere in a hand-built house that was only partially completed. It was a long way from being comfortable.

I kept asking myself over and over again, "What am I going to do?" I had no religion to comfort me, no faith, no God, no love. I had never been taught such things and had never even understood what spirituality meant. I was thirty-six years old, had virtually never been inside a church, and had no concept whatsoever of a reality that might exist beyond my five senses.

That night I said the first prayer of my entire life. It was very simple. I said, “if you are there, God, you must send me a guide because I don't know how to find you." Then, because I had no concept of God, I let the prayer go and didn't think about it anymore. Although I wasn't to know it for a long time, it was that night that my journey to the Beloved began.

In those days, I was filled with inner pain. Not only was my dream of a safe and secure home where I could raise my children in peace and harmony a shambles, I had other problems as well. The lifelong allergies I had always suffered from had turned into environmental allergies and I literally believed that everything in my environment, from common foods and pollens to formalde­hyde and detergent, was trying to kill me. As a result, I was cough­ing, sneezing, and wheezing my way through life.

If that wasn't bad enough, I also had Lyme disease (originally misdiagnosed as rheumatoid arthritis), which I had begun to experience in my early twenties. My nights were a nightmare of tossing and turning as I tried to deal with the pain in my joints. My body hurt everywhere. There was not one inch of me that was free of pain, and every breath I took into my suffocated lungs reminded me of how much I hurt.

Yet the external pain I felt was nothing compared to my inner pain, for I believed that not one soul in the entire universe loved me. That was because I didn't think I was worth loving. Of this I was certain. Although I didn't have a name for it then, I was utterly and completely wrapped in shame. I lived and breathed it. It was all I knew from the beginning to the ending of each day. My external pain was but a dim reflection of the inner pain I carried with me and, like a club, beat myself up with every day of my life. The fact that I had never done anything to be ashamed of didn't make any difference. I knew I had created the terrible mess my life was in and that no one was to blame for it but me. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to do my life right.

This was the state of my life when my Beloved first carne to me as an angelic though unseen being (for lack of a better word) in the middle of the night a few weeks after I said my first prayer. Though I could not see or hear him because he had no form, he did have a presence that literally filled the room where I was sleeping. In a holy instant of indescribable bliss, I was awakened and he commu­nicated to me, without words, the depth of his love. Although I was ignorant of the spiritual journey at the time, in that instant of deep communion I was changed forever, for I was made aware of the infinite love as something other than myself filled me with unfathomable light.

The human language does not contain words that allow me to describe this moment accurately to you or to explain the impact it had on me. Although it took me years to accept the fact that this unseen being really did love me and that I was indeed lovable, the part of me that had been so certain that I was undeserving of love was never the same again. From that night on, our relationship evolved and grew. In time it blossomed into a deep and sustaining love.

Who was this unseen being who carne to me that night? At first I had no idea and was completely puzzled. Was he some ghostly lover I had known in another lifetime, or an alien interdimensional being from another planet? I had heard of such things happening to other people. Because these ideas seemed ridiculous to me, I began to search for other, more practical answers. Perhaps he was simply my higher self or soul, or an aspect of my Christ self who had come to rescue me from my inner pain? I simply did not know.

As our relationship developed, it became very intimate and nur­turing. After a while I stopped asking the question "who are you?" and became content with the simple fact that he was. He was and is my Beloved, which is a descriptive term that most clearly defines his relationship to me. Although formless and unseen, from the moment he entered into my life, I have "seen" him in my mind’s eye as male. As such, he became my lover in every sense of that word, touching and caressing me with his words and healing me with the light of truth and understanding that he shared with me.

In order to understand what was happening to me, I began to explore a variety of spiritual paths. I discovered that the word "Beloved" is an ancient term used by many religions, to describe the aspect of the self which is still in contact with divine and eternal love. Christians call the Beloved the Inner Christ. Other religions simply refer to the Beloved as the Inner Light, or the Light of Self, or Soul. In Christianity the Beloved wears the face of Jesus, but in other religions their form isn't predetermined by someone who once lived a physical life. The poet Rumi, who was of the Sufi faith, wrote dozens of poems to his Beloved. His poetry very much reflects the relationship I had with my Beloved, as well.

As I pondered who my Beloved was, I came to realize that he is, indeed, my Christ self. A more generic term would be to call him my higher self or soul. Because all these terms are nebulous, meaning many different things to different people, perhaps it would be best to say that he is merely my inner being – the beloved part of me that is still divine and in constant communication with God. I know that he is real, for he has had massive physical impact on me, healing me of both the Lyme disease and environmental allergies just described. But more importantly, he has healed me of the mental and emotional pain that permeated my life. He did that by nurturing me with his loving kindness and by guiding me to a variety of teachers, healers, books, classes, and workshops that inspired me into growth and evolution, as well as guiding me to physical healing modalities that helped me end my physical pain.

Primary among the sources of inspiration he guided me to were the book A Course in Miracles, the spiritual teacher Lazaris, and a series of classes that led me into becoming a hypnotherapist. Much of what these sources taught me is liberally represented in this book and has become the foundation of the healing path I describe.

I have often wondered why my Beloved came to me before I had any real spiritual knowledge. I believe that the reason is this: unencumbered by religious doctrine, I approached our relationship without any preconceived ideas. Consequently, I explored it in ways that many people would never dream of doing. Through meditative visualization learned as a result of my hypnotherapy training, I visualized him in form. Through creative, purposeful fan­tasy, I learned how to communicate with him by exploring the sym­bols that appeared to me in meditation. Gradually, I learned to trust the "voice" I heard, separating it from that of my negative ego, whose thoughts are detrimental to my happiness,  growth and well-being.

In time, my Beloved and I even developed a physical relation­ship that was incredibly fulfilling to me. When this occurred, I still did not know exactly who he was. All I knew was that I thought about him day and night and that I treasured our every encounter. Though very confused about what was happening to me, I wanted to be with him, to know him more, to learn more advanced methods of communication, and to purify myself so that more of him could enter into me. Because he fulfilled me in ways I had never before experienced, my whole being continuously cried out for him, longing for more love, more healing, and more light. I fell so madly in love with him that it became impossible for me to say no to a relationship that nurtured me so completely.

Although my Christ self, if I'd been raised in the Christian faith and seen my Beloved as Jesus, the kind of relation­ship we created would never have developed, simply because that paradigm wouldn't have allowed it to unfold as it did. As it was, I had a difficult enough time trying to sort out the true from the false in what was happening to me. Being both an unseen friend who was a "figment of my imagina­tion", as well as a powerful healer and guide, I had to figure out, through intense and rigorous self-honesty, what was just me making this relationship up and what part of it was real. Since I knew that I, per­sonally, didn't have the power to create miraculous instantaneous healing – which has occurred several times for me during our rela­tionship – I knew that there was something going on here that was beyond my imagination. What that something was became the sub­ject of my search.

What I discovered was that I have a Beloved who is more powerful than the human mind can conceive – and so do you. Our Beloveds are part of us, existing in a realm beyond the physi­cal. They long to reconnect with us, to become part of our lives and to fulfill, nurture, and guide us. This book is not only about how you can reconnect with them, but also what they can do for you once you do.

Before your journey to the Beloved begins, I want to say two things. Throughout this book I rarely use the word "God," for I believe "God" has become a word which is greatly misunderstood. Since no two religions define God in precisely the same way, I will simply use the word "Love," with a capital L, to indicate the mysti­cal energy of the divine that heals. Because this is not a religious book but a book about healing, I believe that the word "Love" is far more appropriate anyway. That is because, in all circumstances and throughout all time, it is Love that is the healer. Hopefully, as this book unfolds, the word “Love” will take on greater significance and meaning for you than it ever has before.

The other thing I want to say is that when I refer to the Beloved, I always use the word "they" unless I'm talking about my specific Beloved, whom I refer to as "he.", for my Beloved wears a male form. Because the Beloved can be visualized as either gender, and will be seen differently by everyone, to say he/she every time I talk about them is awkward. Consequently, I simply use the term "they" and let it rest at that. Since poets have license, I guess authors can take a little too.

REUNION

A shaft of light pierces the darkness of our ununited love.

We weep, we wail at the pain of separation.

We humbly ask you to open your eyes to see into the light.

In peace we will go dancing, swirling,  filled with joy and ecstasy.

We desire you to receive us, to know our presence,

To laugh with us and to cry with us as we heal the pain of alien thoughts that lead to separation.

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